When I look back on my first few hours of breastfeeding, it is hard to believe that I have been breastfeeding for 22 months and counting. I remember in the early days I was taken it one day at a time and before I knew it, I had been breastfeeding for 3 weeks, then 3 months, then 6 months. All of a sudden I was approaching a year and found myself beginning to think about weaning.
The thought of weaning felt really overwhelming. I had grown accustomed to my “secret weapon” of nursing. Becca having trouble sleeping? Whip out a boob! Not sure that Becca had enough to eat tonight? Whip out the boob? Becca fell and skinned her knee? Whip out the boob? Becca just feeling cranky and annoyed? Whip out the boob!
I hadn’t realized how much I had grown to rely on nursing until I began to think about not having it anymore. How the heck was I going to deal with all of the situations above without nursing? It was the ultimate panacea and I didn’t have any reliable back-ups.
Since Becca’s 1st birthday, we have been s-l-o-w-l-y working on weaning. A month after her birthday, she went 24 hours without nursing. I thought for sure that it was just a matter of days before Becca would be finished nursing. I felt conflicted at the thought but also excited about truly getting my body back. Instead, it was as if Becca had her own freak-out about losing her panacea and increased her nursing significantly.
For the past 10 months, Becca has continued to decrease and increase her nursing. During this time, she has gone as long as 72 hours without nursing. Just when I am getting ready to pack in my nursing bras, Becca will begin to nurse again. Apparently, she is as conflicted as I am.