I am introducing a new segment that will be regularly featured on Baby, Toddler and Beyond:
The Moms’ Walk of Shame
Come on now, you’ve all been there., right? Right? RIGHT? maybe?
ok, well, maybe it’s just me.
So let me describe it for you and maybe it will sound a little bit familiar.
It’s the walk that you make the day after an amazing, night of drunken debauchery.
You have woken up in a haze of twisted bed sheets and are just a tad bit fuzzy on the details. As the room spins into focus, flashes of the night light up your mind:
- switching from beer to tequila straight from the bottle– Do you even like beer or tequila?
- buying a pack of cigarettes for the walk home– Do you even smoke?
- squeezing 6 people into a greasy, diner booth designed for four– Did you really agree to rent a summer house together?
You quickly search around you and gather your things
Where’d I put my keys? Did I bring a coat? What did I get on my pants? Where’s the front door to this place?
trying to quietly sneak out the front door, the back door, ANY DOOR!
stepping on every single creaking floorboard, tripping over a pile of dirty clothes (Oops, that’s someone else! Did I wake them up? Quick before he(?)/she(?)/it(!?!) wakes up), wrestling with the doorknob and finally wrenching it open.
Somehow stumbling onto the street and becoming blinded by the light.
Whoa! It’s bright out here! What time is it? And WHERE AM I?
Standing disoriented on the sidewalk, trying to get your bearings:
okay… there’s the Exxon station. That’s Church St. hmm… am I at the other end of town? If I take Lincoln to Enfield Rd., make a right onto Lexington, I should get back to my room pretty quickly. If I’m quick, I can still make my first class…
Arriving back on campus and breathing a sigh of relief.
Almost there, if I could just pick up the pace a little I can make it. Uuugggghhhhhhh! My head is killing me. Great, here we are. I just need to slip in the back, up the stairs, grab my things and I’ll be at class before anyone misses me. Do I have time for a quick shower? Maybe… OK, almost there. One foot in front of the other. You can do it!
And then it happens,
-you walk smack-dab into the Dean of the School of Arts and Sciences
-you trip over the bra that’s been hanging from your pants and land at the feet of your Psych professor
– you catch your reflection in the window to see that your hair is going in every direction, your mascara’s smeared across your forehead (?!?!) just as a local elementary class walks by on their way to the public library.
As quickly a you can you duck into your dorm, fly up the stairs, throw yourself onto your bed, burrowing under the pillow as far as you possibly can.
That, my friends, is The Walk of Shame! Now does it sound familiar?
Yeah, I thought so.
Okay, so clearly we will not be reenacting any classic Walk’s of Shame (but feel free to share them in the comments 🙂 ).
Instead, Jen and I want you to share your Mommy Walks of Shame.
- What are the things that YOU have done that you are ashamed of?
- What horrific thoughts or deeds have you covered up?
- How have you embarrassed yourself in an extremely public and humiliating way?
We want to hear about them! We want to hear ALL about them- every juicy, little detail!
-You can post them on your blog and link back to us.
-You can share them in the comments.
-You can use an alias and slightly alter any incriminating details.
But please, Please, PLEASE SHARE!!!!
In the meantime, I will finish compiling my first official Moms’ Walk of Shame post and will be publishing it within the next day or so.
And you will start to see regular installments of the Mom’s Walk of Shame on Fridays (that way we can avoid each other over the weekend and be ready to look each other in the eye again on Monday).
Signing off with my head held high and eyes forward– carefully not making eye contact