In Memory of my grandmother (1913-2008 )
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Happy Wordless Wednesday!
Mary Kate
Some may remember that my grandmother just celebrated her 95th birthday, unfortunately, she passed away this week and I will be attending her funeral tomorrow morning. I am still a little in shock and can’t believe she had really passed. I had begun to believe that she would live forever and I could imagine myself attending her 100th birthday party. I never imagined myself attending her wake and funeral but here I am.
My walk of shame this week would be sadness that I decided not to visit my grandmother this weekend. Omar and I had planned to take Becca to visit my grandmother on Father’s day. She had recently been hospitalized, although she had been doing a little better, and I thought it was important to visit her. But Sunday rolled around, we had had a busy weekend and I got hung up in the idea that since it was Father’s day, we shouldn’t be traveling (Don’t ask me where this idea came from). In any case, I figured I could always visit my grandmother this weekend, right? It wasn’t as if she was going anywhere. So I felt a little guilty about not going but I knew I would have another chance to see her. I never expected to be seeing her this quickly and in this manner.
I would like to light a candle in honor of my grandmother and I am going to be drinking a Beefeater Gin Martini w/ a dash of vermouth in her honor as well.
1913-2008
5 children
13 grandchildren
12 great-grandchildren
You’ll be missed.
With Much Love,
Mary Kate
As part of my new gig at New Jersey Moms Blog, I was asked to read Writing Motherhood by Lisa Garrigues and write a thought-provoking response based on one of two prompts. The prompt I chose was the following one:
Good Enough. In her book, Lisa recounts a time she was a “bad” mother, first leaving her sick daughter to fend for herself, then dropping her daughter at the tutor, only to forget to pick her up an hour later. Think of a time you slipped up as a mother-lost your temper, said no for no reason, sent your child to school with a fever. Our writing invitation: Write about your most outrageous or inexcusable bad mothering moment.
Since I do the Mom Walk of Shame on a regular basis, this prompt seemed like the natural one to choose. I figured that if I gave myself enough time, I would naturally stumble into a new example of being a “bad” mother and sure enough I did this afternoon.
As you may be aware, I am currently working as a consultant which means sometimes I am giving presentations outside my home (like tomorrow) and sometimes I am working from home (like today). Most of the time when I work from home, I am preparing for a presentation or writing curriculum. Usually, this is a pretty solitary activity but occasionally it requires me to have lengthy conversations about an upcoming presentation or a curriculum project I am working on. Today was one of those days.
The problem is that me-on-the-phone=Becca-screeching-for-attention and today was no exception. As soon as I was engaged in the phone conversation (with a new client), she made a beeline for the slightly ajar bathroom door and I could hear her giggling with glee as she swung it wide open. I, meanwhile, was trying to continue my conversation as I quickly ran over to sweep Becca off her feet and get her out of the bathroom.
I grabbed Becca by the waist as I was simultaneously trying to string together a thought provoking response to my client’s questions and was seeing visions of Becca tipping head first into the toilet. As soon as Becca felt my arm circle her waist, she lunged forward, began frantically grabbing at the tiles trying to pull herself into the bathroom and started screeching at the top of her lungs.
Instead of politely requesting that I call my client back in 10 minutes (once I had wrestled my toddler to the ground), I walked away from Becca. I just placed her on the floor and walked away.
When Becca felt me release her it just sent her into a higher decibel. As my mother-in-law (who watches Becca when I am working) ran to soothe my daughter, I closed the living room door to muffle the sound, apologized to my client for the interruption and continued my conversation. Becca continued screaming until my mother-in-law soothed her to sleep and laid her down for a nap. I finished up my conference call and hung up with a satisfied sigh and then had a minute to reflect on the incident.
I walked away from my daughter as she was screaming my name. I put someone else’s needs and wants before hers. I allowed my mother-in-law to soothe her instead of taking the opportunity to do so. I walked away! What was I thinking?
I had gotten so caught up in my own life that I forgot that Becca is only 21 mos and rarely understands any subtle hints I might send her way. She can’t distinguish between me gabbing on the phone with my sister to me having a professional conversation with a colleague. How is she supposed to know that?
Fortunately, she is still a little young to remember me walking away from her but it still makes me sad. I need to figure out a way to balance work and play. I could have delayed the conference call for another twenty minutes and used that time to interact with Becca and soothe her to sleep. One of the perks of working at home is that I am supposed to have more time with Becca, quality time.
Feeling like a heel,
Mary Kate
P.S. For other things educational, click here. If you are participating in Everything Educational Thursday, leave a comment with your link (or e-mail me at marykatenj at gmail.com) and I will post it.
Check out: www.totspot.com.
Jim (my hubby) found this amazing site and I am totally addicted. It’s an easy way to set up a website for your little ones that tracks everything going on in their lives. This is great for us because basically our entire family lives in Florida or places other than New York. Before finding this site we uploaded pictures on picasa and videos on YouTube and emailed updates to family, but everything seemed so disconnected.
Totspot has it all. You can keep up with your kiddo’s firsts, growth charts and write journal entries telling everyone about all the “cute little moments” family and friends far away are missing. You can also upload pictures and videos. After you get your page up and running, you just send an invite to friends and family and they can view your child’s page and keep updated. They can even leave comments for your little one. I’ve only been using this for a few days but already I feel so much more connected to our friends and family that are all over the place. It’s a one stop shopping type of place. People can stop in and find out everything that’s going on with John Patrick. My sister-in-law loved it so much that she set up pages for her boys too so now John Patrick has “friends” that he shares pictures with.
And as Jim put it: “Now I don’t have to feel all this pressure to create a really amazing website for John Patrick”. This is just a really fun and easy way to keep track of everything going on with your kids and keep everyone connected.
Do I sound like I work there or something? I wish! ha ha
Jen
I wanted to take a moment to reflect on all that Becca is doing and saying these days. She is truly becoming her own little person and she is a joy to be around. Here are just a few random things that are going on with her at 21 mos.
She loves, loves, loves our cat, Dillon, who she has inexplicably renamed, “Kema.” Occasionally, I have heard her call him Dillon but she seems to prefer her own name for him and he has begun to answer to it as well. I can’t help but wonder if maybe “Kema” is Dillon’s name for himself and he just let Becca in on the secret.
One of her current favorite activities is to open and close boxes/bags and put things in or take them out. She found a ziplock full of unsharpened pencils and spent a good 20 minutes or so carefully taking all the pencils out and placing them on the ground and then she will carefully put them all back again. When I am looking for a way to distract her (usually when I am on the phone), I have been known to give her a ziplock bag, stuff it with things and then just watch as she empties and fills it over and over again.
She is becoming a little daredevil. She loves to position herself in the corner of our sectional and then throw herself back against the pillows, again and again. She also will stack up a pile of pillows on our bed and throw herself into them~ she looks like a flying squirrel when she does this. I have caught her a few times trying to climb from a chair to a table or counter and really pushing how far her legs can stretch. I am finding that I have to balance my need to keep her safe and her need to push her own limits.
She has rhythm! When a song comes on with a little beat, she will immediately start bopping along to it! It is the cutest thing. She has even begun adding hand movements which is hilarious to see! She loves dancing and “singing” along to the radio.
I love watching her personality unfold and am continually amazed at her response to the world around her.
Mary Kate
John Patrick is now 6 months old and so……..
Here comes the exciting new world of solid foods. Yay! So what do I do? I’ve talked to my pediatrician, googled it and still I’m totally confused. I get that I should introduce one food every 4 or 5 days in order to check for food allergies. I also get that I should introduce green foods first to encourage him to eat his veggies (I’ve already broken this rule). But here are all my other questions about the stuff I don’t get:
1.) How much do I feed him a day? Keep in mind that he’ll eat until he explodes if I let him.
2.) Does this mean I don’t give him as much milk per day?
3.) Once he can have more than one food, do I give them to him in meal format? (For example, for dinner tonight you’re having green beans and bananas?)
4.) My pediatrician suggested that I start giving him water in a sippy cup. After I picked my jaw up off the floor I wondered… how many times a day? When is he supposed to have water? Cold water?
5.) Does this mean I should be taking solid food to his daycare now too? I usually take 4 eight ounce bottles of milk per day. Does this mean that I don’t take as much milk or the milk quantity stays the same?
6.) What are some good containers for all this food if I need to take it to daycare?
7.) He’s had rice cereal, what other cereal should he try next? When is he technically a “stage 2″ eater?
Obviously, I’m solid food challenged. I feel like an idiot but for some reason I just can’t wrap my mind around how this works. HEEELLLLLPPPPPP.
drowning in tiny jars of mushed pears,
Jen
I am always looking for support in raising Becca to read/write/speak in Spanish and English and The Multilingual Children’s Association site provides all sorts of support to me. I find that it offers a lot of simple and practical suggestions on how to raise a multilingual child as well as providing opportunities to connect with other multilingual families.
I found their recent article, Raising Your Child in a Language Not Your Own?, answered a lot of the concerns I have about speaking to Becca in Spanish. Although I am now capable of communicating in Spanish (How did Becca sleep? What did she eat?), I know that I am often mixing up the syntax, messing up the pronunciation and butchering the verb conjugation. I also have an extremely limited ability to communicate the concept of past or future when I speak (which can be extremely frustrating). I was finding myself limiting how much I spoke to Becca in Spanish because I was afraid of confusing her and I also wanted to stick with the one parent/one language concept (I speak to her in English and Omar speaks to her in Spanish).
The problem with the one parent/one language approach is that Omar’s mom (Becca’s caregiver) only speaks Spanish which means I need to communicate to her in my broken Spanish. This also means that Becca is observing our Spanish/Spanglish/Pantomine exchange and is possibly thinking this is the correct way to speak (or maybe she’s just wildly entertained?).
Despite all of my language limitations, the Multilingual Children’s Association recommends that I speak to Becca in Spanish as well as English. Their thought process is that if I speak and practice the language, my grasp of it will improve (so I will begin to make less mistakes) and more importantly, Becca will have exposure to Spanish from other sources besides just me (Thank God!). I particularly liked this quote:
“So be brave, and don’t fall into the trap of perfectionism.”
That is definitely a sentiment that can be applied to so many aspects of parenting!
¡Hasta Luego!
Mary Kate
P.S. For other things educational, click here. If you are participating in Everything Educational Thursday, leave a comment with your link (or e-mail me at marykatenj at gmail.com) and I will post it. If you are interested in participating, leave a comment or e-mail me.
John Patrick is six months old today. I can’t believe it’s already been six months since he was born! On the other hand, I can’t even remember what my life was like without him. When I try to remember, it seems like a lifetime ago.
Here are my favorite things he’s doing now:
Who knew six months ago that the little 5 pound preemie would be doing such cool things in only six months. Well, at least I think they’re cool. 
Happy Six Month Birthday Mi Amore.
Jen
I was going to write a long post about weaning Becca. BUT, I realized that what I really need to do is to straighten up my room and my desk before I go to sleep. I know that doing this will start me off on the right foot for the week. Right now, I am feeling overwhelmed by clutter and the idea of trying to straighten it up is feeling really overwhelming. So instead I will spend the next 20 minutes cleaning as quickly as I can. Whatever I get gone before I go to bed will be a whole lot better than the way it looks right now.
Happy decluttering!
Mary Kate
